20-21/100
The anatomy of Choice
Dear reader,
How, then, do we make decisions? What informs our choices so that our future thanks us and our present reality can trust where we are going?
Every good decision begins with the simple—but not so simple—act of listening. And this does not just imply listening with one’s ears, even though that is where it begins. It communicates a deeper thought: to pay attention.
Paying attention. Haha, one would assume our attention is now currency by which we bargain value. But aha, it is. Just as your money goes to what it values so does your heart.
We can call it curiosity, but I like to see it as something deeper because, in that moment, your hunger or desire is summoned. That deep, deep part of you longing for an otherworldly connection.
To listen.
At every moment, you are at a crossroads, offered choices to make, and you want to ask: What voice is informing this decision? The voice has veto power. The voice is the ideology with enough force to sway your heart, and the only reason it can do that is because of where we incline our ears. Many times, the voice we choose to heed reveals our hearts.
This post is more self-reflective because I have found that my consistently wrong decisions have stemmed from a basic truth I must ashamedly face: I was not listening. Or rather, I have been a terrible listener.
There are filters in our minds when we engage in conversations. Those filters add colour to whatever we hear and can alter our perception. What keeps us pure and humble enough to listen is the willingness to finally decide to receive what the other voice is saying, even when it goes against the veto voice that has been in your heart all along.
I heard my boss shout for the thousandth time about putting a comma before “and” after a list, and at the last—and hopefully final—reminder, I had to pause and ask myself:
“Wait. Why do I keep making this mistake? Is something truly wrong with my head that it is taking me this long to listen and apply feedback?” Because, see, the proof of your listening is in the action.
This is why I found it truly fascinating that the word “obey,” as we often understand it, is not necessarily present in the Hebrew language. Many of the times we see it in the Tanakh, it is used as an English placeholder for the word Shema: to hear, but to hear with all of you.
Like the Shema prayer:
“Hear, O Israel. The Lord your God, the Lord is One. And you shall love the Lord with all your heart, your mind, your soul and your strength.”
Isn’t it amazing that the verse telling us to hear, pay attention and focus our all on the Lord also tells us that the Lord is One—echad? Almost like saying, be one as your Father is One.
But like I was saying, the proof of your listening is not in saying, “I have heard,” but in the action it produces. Therefore, it is possible to hear but not understand, do or become because of the fractures within one’s inner life.
Every good decision-maker is a listener. And not just a listener of words, but of everything else. Picking up cues in the room. Noticing the micro-actions and body language speaking around you. It is truly a life skill I want God to build in me this season. And these letters are like prayers, then whoopty-doo.
I realise how much I am in my head. Too much in my head. And it means I do not pay attention as much as I should, and its become hard for me to listen or get involved in living. So, yeah, I want to dedicate the next couple of days here to writing about how I am learning to listen. To pay full attention at work, with my friends and in other areas of my life, so I can begin to make better decisions.
I no longer lament about whether it is too late to know this. After all, better late than never. I no longer taunt myself with regrets, life also has its share of lessons along the way. It is my hope that as I redeem the time to listen better now, I pass down a culture to my kids so they can be better decision makers in their future.
So, my friend, will you join me as we learn how to listen?
Best,
Rejoice Onize.