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When self betrays you...

Dear reader,

I have found myself thinking of choice a lot. Especially along the line of a verse Jesus says, which always brings me to sober reflection:

“You worship Me with your mouth, but your heart is far from Me.”

I think it is how often our choices betray the perception we try to put on the outside. The image of who we want to be perceived as.

For instance, I am trying to break the habit of always saying sorry when confronted, or when I do not fulfil someone’s desire. As much as I would like to believe that apology is always humility, sometimes it is not. Sometimes, it is fear dressed in good manners. Sometimes, it is my body trying to quickly end tension before I have even judged whether I did anything wrong.

And this is where the concept of choice humbles me.

Because there is such an intricate dance between our speech and our choices. For every word we say about who we are, our actions are lining up to either betray us or vindicate us.

It is almost like coming face-to-face with a tragedy: that wound up beneath your heart, beneath your soul, and mixed into your blood, there is a set of codes and instructions telling you what to do.

This investment we carry is a yoke that came about by speech and continued by activity and environment. It is why you can listen to a million podcasts and videos telling you to start or do something, and yet still fall to the whims of a law at work in you.

You want to be good, kind, and at peace with all men, but then you are faced with the vile taste of resentment in your mouth after someone mindlessly offends you. And it is only a matter of time before that resentment comes out, without your consent, fully lashing at the person you had already held in the prison of your mind.

I understand Paul’s exclamation in Romans 7:24:

“O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

Paul had just elaborately dissected how being told what to do, or knowings right from wrong is not enough to keep one in line. Your flesh will eventually betray you, as it has done to all self-proclaimed good men out there. The intelligent man realises the persistent nature of the betrayal his body bears against his mind.

Whew.

I find that choices are the revealer, not words. A man can talk a big game, but only one who is truly broken will follow through.

What is even more painful is realising that nothing is ever random with life. Life moves with a precision that respects no man, so your choices either align or oppose. It does, however, get to a point where your opposition becomes a kicker to your behind.

Decision-making is a life skill. It is an art form and only a few in our time have mastered it well. I live my life now realising that the ability to judge rightly and make salient decisions for posterity and for now (the present) is a skill many of us are not adequately taught, especially as Christians.

Even in our claims of trust, we still que sera sera our way through life and destiny, hoping that God will blow some fateful wind that brings us to the right destination automatically.

But what kind of God would He be if He were not faithful to His own design?

If, from the beginning, He created us as rulers and partners with the Divine, then it simply means we are expected to take ownership of our choices and actually make sound decisions. Yes, He gives vision as aid, and wisdom as a helper. He gives light to help us know the outcome. He gives counsel, wisdom, correction, and the Spirit of truth.

But He does not impose or force Himself on us. We must choose.

And this choice, as we broke apart in the previous article, is not merely by words, even though it can be spoken. It begins in the heart. The heart is where the real decision is made. The source of your thoughts, will and emotions. Your thoughts faster than the speed of light will visualise the outcome of the choice. Your emotions, strong like wine will try to persuade you on its case. But your will, the judge and jury, will weigh the evidences brought into the court and be swayed by what is deems true.

The mouth may announce a thing, but the heart has often signed the document long before the lips catch up. This is why we must know Truth and its characteristics or will be swayed by anything.

See you tomorrow, friends.

Best,

Rejoice Onize.